WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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