last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
