Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
