once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
