I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
