So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
