i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize