Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
