I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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