At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
