You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
