the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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