is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
