college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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