Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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