I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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