I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
