drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
