Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize