It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
