obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
