Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
