Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
