I'm lost and stupid without you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
