Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
