Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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