My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
