The maid of honor just puked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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