He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
