I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they're like a gay fantastic four
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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