He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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