I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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