I hate your face
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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