So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
