drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
