I want to make a zoo with you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
