Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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