Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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