I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize