Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
