He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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