mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
