Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
