omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
