His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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