im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
