We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
