There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
