I will die if light touches me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
