mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
