Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
