Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
