i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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