Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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