She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I party with great urgency now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize