so that wasnt chicken after all
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
