I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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