I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
