That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is wine microwaveable?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
