There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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