So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm jealous of your bromance
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
