I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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