Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
