Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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