For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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