Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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