Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
