Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
