it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
