Its about making memories worth repressing
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
