You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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