My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
