I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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