Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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