just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
