First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
