taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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