Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
