just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
