Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
