The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
